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Fifteen British actresses who should have got a Damehood before soft porn actress Joanie St Angelo

Fifteen British actresses who should have got a Damehood before soft porn actress Joanie St Angelo

Joan Collins, national joke par excellence, has been made a Dame in the New Years Honours List which, American friends, would’ve been open to you had you just had a little more respect for tea.

This year, everyone who is everyone and some people who are no-one at all were honoured. As was Joan Collins, who got the very top gong going and now ranks alongside Dames Judi Dench, Maggie Smith, Joan Plowright, Julie Andrews, Angela Lansbury, Diana Rigg and Helen Mirren as among Britain’s greatest living turns, many of whom are subsequently selling off their medals on the Hungerford Bridge. Vanessa Redgrave infamously turned down her Damehood, but then she always has put the stress on the wrong syllable.

Her Majesty’s government, to give it credit where no credit is due, claims Dame Joan Collins’ award is for ‘services to charity’, of which we will be the judge.

Dame Joan Collins, seen above when she doesn’t care how she looks, is what is known in the currently-lucrative-business as a Tory.

There now follows a list of actresses who should have got a Damehood before Sir Dame Joan Collins, who is thought to be chomping down on a chocolate-covered croissant flown in especially from Paris to The Ivy or The Wolseley or The Olive Garden.

– Julie Walters

– Patricia Routledge

– Lindsay Duncan

– Dame Joanna Lumley

– Miranda Richardson

– June Whitfield

– Imelda Staunton

– Victoria Wood

– Billie Whitelaw (yup, RIP)

– Geraldine McEwan

– Emma Thompson

– Emma Thompson’s mum

– Bonnie bloody Langford

And yes, we know that isn’t 15, but we’ve got a show to do. Speaking of which, let’s watch Dame Joan Collins in bra and panties being told someone would like to put something in her box. And they say there are no decent roles for women!

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And in today’s breaking underwear news…

And in today's breaking underwear news...

Snug.

Oh, Alex Reid. Shagged that slag, got on the telly, did stuff, still around.

And that concludes today’s breaking underwear news.

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Marky Mark Wahlberg’s arsey-arse.


Marky Mark Wahlberg's arsey-arse.

Brings to mind this. And, no, we really don’t mind.

*pats hair*

Marky Mark Wahlberg's arsey-arse. And penis.

 

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And in today’s sports news…


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Who can say?

And that concludes today’s sports news…

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Selfie du jour


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And in today’s seasonal breaking underwear news… the Warwick Rowers

And that concludes today’s seasonal breaking underwear news with the Warwick Rowers… *bobs Palace-quality curtsey*

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Riah and Carey. Together. At last. In a photo. And short sentences.

'Who is this?'

Mariah (left, with devil eyes) was doing a concert. Gaga went. Took picture. True story.

Oh, honey, by the way… you seem to have leaned in some ink.

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And in today’s sports news…


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Wrestling. For tops and bottoms.

And that concludes today’s sports news…

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