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*bobs a curtsey*

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This chap on the left might just be your new crush. If you put some welly into it.

This chap on the left might just be your new crush. If you put some effort into it.

If you’ve been able to find some Telly V time in between flicking off to The Undateables and Crashed and Siblings and Making a Murderer and First Dates and Take Me Out and kittens and stuff, you may have stumbled across 10,000 BC. A tawdry old show contrived by Channel 5 to put naked people in a jungle and make them argue.

The ruse is… oh who cares what the ruse is. Something about no phones and only a bunch of twigs. But there are quite a lot of hot men in it, and not many hot women in it, so there you have it in a sexist-nutshell-of-which-we-approve.

And here’s one of the hot men in his nude. He’s called Dan and that rhymes with ham.

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Colby Keller, take those ridiculous clothes off immediately!

Colby Keller, take those ridiculous clothes off immediately!

It’s Colby Keller – star of screen and anus – dollied up like Christmas’s glittering Tiny Tim by Aunty Dame Vivienne Westwood, for her SS16 campaign.

For those not familiar with pornography – which has quite the future, we can tell you – Colby Keller is one of its tip-top same-sex oriented stars, coming with a 7-maybe-8 inch cut penis yay wide (so we’re told), floppy hair you have to run your fingers through, the sort of body that looks like he still might have time to read a book, and a hint o’ ginge which gets you right there.

Quite how Dame V and/or husband Andreas Kronthaler came across (choose your puns, people!) Colby remains quite the mystery.

Oh, it doesn’t actually.

‘We’d gone thrifting in LA and (my friend Bernhard Wilhelm) snapped a pic of me in some Vivienne Westwood vintage trousers and sent the pic to Andreas.’

The rest, as they say, is a woolly rag even Princess Anne wouldn’t be seen dusting off her ruddy mares in, a pair of boots that are two-a-penny down the Ridley Road, and an invoice from Juergen Teller who clearly phoned this in.

But heck, what do we know? We’ve not worn Vivienne Westwood since 1997.

ps. Colby did take off those ridiculous clothes! Well, most of ’em…  (more…)

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We’ve not gone, we’ve just been *checks notes* lazy bastards.

Oh hello.

It’s come to our attention that we’ve barely been arsed to put pen to dolly Content Management System and update London’s glittering Me Me Me for close to a month. The reason for this is that we’re redesigning and your new singin’, dancin’ and bummin’ Me Me Me will be with you soon. Ish. And we just got distracted in the meantime by, in no particular order, Christmas, a ‘research’ trip to Berlin that runneth over, some boy who turned out to be a cunt, another one of those, the moon and the stars, vodka, more vodka (always a splash of lime, we’re not animals), actual journalistic work which apparently pays the bills, this really cute kitten, the view out of our office window, and c) and d).

Anyway, here’s David Walliams’ former-glittering Lara Stone on a Vogue Australia shoot practically with full tit ‘n’ minge out, alongside some gennelman with shoulder length hair, a Roman nose, nipples tinier than your average button and a penis in white speedos. It’s shit like this we’ve been crying out for.


We've not gone. We've just been *checks notes* lazy bastards.

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