It’s Colby Keller – star of screen and anus – dollied up like Christmas’s glittering Tiny Tim by Aunty Dame Vivienne Westwood, for her SS16 campaign.
For those not familiar with pornography – which has quite the future, we can tell you – Colby Keller is one of its tip-top same-sex oriented stars, coming with a 7-maybe-8 inch cut penis yay wide (so we’re told), floppy hair you have to run your fingers through, the sort of body that looks like he still might have time to read a book, and a hint o’ ginge which gets you right there.
Quite how Dame V and/or husband Andreas Kronthaler came across (choose your puns, people!) Colby remains quite the mystery.
Oh, it doesn’t actually.
‘We’d gone thrifting in LA and (my friend Bernhard Wilhelm) snapped a pic of me in some Vivienne Westwood vintage trousers and sent the pic to Andreas.’
The rest, as they say, is a woolly rag even Princess Anne wouldn’t be seen dusting off her ruddy mares in, a pair of boots that are two-a-penny down the Ridley Road, and an invoice from Juergen Teller who clearly phoned this in.
But heck, what do we know? We’ve not worn Vivienne Westwood since 1997.
ps. Colby did take off those ridiculous clothes! Well, most of ’em…