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Someone’ll buy it…

Someone'll buy it...
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Kylie Minogue. Officially the new Lulu.

London’s glittering Primordial, Kylie *checks notes* Minogue, has done a version of Wheels on Fire for the soundtrack of the new Absolutely Fabulous movie. We say ‘done’, she handed out Aunty Jean’s cupcakes at a North London studio while someone created a saccharine trill using various machines. It’s absolutely fucking diabolical.

While we dab Savlon on the backs of our ears, let’s consider the evidence:

– So small you could pop her on the end of your pencil

– Voice that strips wallpaper as well as ears

– Barely anything left of the original person

– Actually believes they’re a bona fide ‘artist’

– Been roped into the Absolutely Fabulous franchise thinking they’re in on the joke, when in fact they are the joke.

In conclusion, ladies and germs, Kylie Minogue is the new Champagne for Lulu. And c) and d).


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