PSA: If anyone’s taking notes, John of the Garden is our ideal man. Nescafé?
Asyouwere.
Now let’s look at Jean Dujardin naked. One of the pictures features a man’s hand touching Jean Dujardin’s arse. And he’s not even wearing a fingerless glove! We’re so turned on right now we’re slipping from one designer-imposter chair to the next.
1. You cut off Adele after a minute so we can hear 11 minutes of Blur not being able to sing their two hits?
2. Blur?
3. One Direction beat Adele to Best Single?
4. Enough with the branding: we think America is commercial and yet we can never have an awards ceremony without having to say ‘Mastercard’ or ‘Tenna Lady’ before we say the name of the Awards. ‘Orange BAFTAs’, ‘Mastercard Brits’. A little integrity people, please.
5. James Corden. We’ll be the judge of that. And goodness knows where the five stone he’s supposed to have lost went. Straight on his neck by the look of it.
6. J’adore Adele, je can’t get enough of Adele but to just sing ‘Rolling in the Deep’ seems a little easy. She should have done a cover. ‘MacArthur Park’ would have been our choice.
7. Do you think with 6 Grammy Awards in her back bedroom, Adele gives a flying fig roll about the bloody Brits?
8. Kylie Minogue? George Michael? What do these people look like? They’re only in their 40s!
9. So Damon Albarn can rattle away for hours on end in his speech and Adele gets one minute?
10. Blur? At the Olympic Closing Ceremony? Really?
It’s Max Silberman (like you care) for Maison Simons (like you care even as much as you cared about Max Silberman).
