Simon Cowell – small, hair like a vagina – is rumoured to have offered Beyonce – taller, hair – a whoppingly whopping $500million for a five-year judging stint on the American X Factory.
Could you imagine how many pairs of tights you could get with that?
The miserable old cunts over the Daily Mail have had a Mexican wave of a stroke at the ‘obscenity’ of this figure, what with children dying in Africa and kittens being thrown in wheelie bins, but, you know, fuck ‘em.
We’d do it for half a pound of Jelly Babies and a tit-rub. We’re very frugal.
This is a ‘behind-the-scenes’ look at the thrilling, spilling life of Chris Evans, the never-knowingly-dressed brother-of-a-gay, as he takes part in a photo shoot for Details, the magazine for gay men who haven’t come out yet. There is a lot going on on that trouser. We hear there’s a lot going on under that trouser, too. Mmmm-hmmmn.
We’re not sure why we put inverted commas around ‘behind-the-scenes’ seeing as it is really is behind the scenes but look, we did it again! Can you imagine if we hadn’t hyphenated!
Part 1) Gábor Vona – who is palpably gagging to get bummed – is the leader of Hungary’s minority party, Jobbik. Which doesn’t even rhyme with anything funny.
Part 2) Hungary is hosting this year’s gay EuroGames.
Part 3) Zsa Zsa Gábor Vona is coming out of a bag on this shit. ‘God is my witness,’ frothed he, as one eye looked up, the other looked down. ‘It’s not some kind of homophobia but merely common decency that makes me say that this really is the end of the world.’ Honey, it’s only a little rounders!
Part d) The Klu Klux Klan should adopt that tagline. ‘It’s not racism, just common decency that all black people are born bad.’
5) Gábor Vona is a cunt.
*ends*
Now let’s look at Zsa Zsa Gábor Vona’s finest hour…
