Gorgeous things

Welcome to backstage at last week’s D&G show in Milan.

*curtseys*

The one where Granny Lennox played live so no-one actually looked at the clothes.

*curtseys again; seems the right thing to do*

Segue: A bell just rang outside which sounded like the beginning of ‘Hung Up’. Talk about dangling the carrot.

If you notice the model, male up there – hair in rollers, Blackberry in hand (working mum!), stripped down to his lily whites with bugger all to show for it (maybe it’s the pre-show nerves/coke [a-cola!]), last bit of Veet on his long Lindas to remove all known male-ness from his body - he is… Oh, we’ve actually said all we have to say on the matter.

Except c) and d).

After the break, you’ll find more pictures of models, male backstage at the D&G show. They are more interesting than the one up there because the mens are topless, David Gandy’s in there doing his one look, and there’s some bald bloke who was in the Jean-Paul Gaultier le Male ad (we think. Workie’s taken the day off) who might well be our future ex-husband. And who we actually said hello to last week in Milan and pretended we knew him. Which maybe we do. (more…)

Okay, so we got bored after 2 minutes 36 seconds. We know this because we timed it on that stopwatch thing on our iPhone. Which has a strangely hypnotic effect. We’re thinking of using it to time how long it takes us to watch Loose Women and back.

And back in the room, we have this nifty lil’ advertising gimmick from Wranger, makers of jean and jean-related wear, but not our Aunty Jean asfaraswe’reaware.

What you do is – and we hope you’re taking notes because this gets complicated – you go to their site, follow the instructions, get a bit of male nudity.

*is confused; puts hands on head*

It’s all very titillating. It really is. See where that little white-gloved hand is up there on the picture, in the style of a Michael Jackson? See it? Do you? That’d be your mouse icon thing, and you click on his zipper and undress him.

Now frankly they’ve missed a trick ’cause you can only undress the top half, not whip his cock out. But half of one is better than 50% of the other as they say, so swings and roundabouts and bumper cars.

Well that’s a little bit fancy.

No, it’s a fan.

What? No blades? How can it be?

Magic, that’s how.

Or just Dyson. Piff-paff-poof, you’ve got air and movement…

Or ‘Mantyhose’ if you’re an arse. And we’re not, although we’re partial to arse. Sometimes arses plural if the mood takes us.

Back in the room… This of which we wattayatalk? is Unconditional’s new range of ‘guysized’ tights, stocked in London’s glittering, 100-year-old Selfridges. They’re mostly worn under a suit pantaloon and Selfridges’ director on menswear, David Walker-Smith said, ‘This winter the city’s most stylish men will have a secret weapon hidden in their trousers’. Saucy minx.

They’ll cost your packet a packet at 70 whole earth pounds, but it’s a small price to pay for a warm willy and a nice smooth hip and thigh line. Mmm, thighs.

Sifting through the rubbish on the interwebbery we found these picture made from rubbish. Admittedly if the rubbish had been our own they’d have been comprised of used condoms, empty Haribo packets and snot rags, but it seems Jane Perkins, the artist, only throws away buttons and beads. How handy for her work. Oh well. She’s done Queeny, Barack and Madonna, so the tenuous rubbish-USP is forgiven. See the rest over le jumpette. (more…)