Kate Bush has a new single. This is the video *screams*

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Them Warwick Rowers are getting their cocks and bums out for equality again. We love equality.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

And in today’s sports news…


Track.

And that concludes today’s sports news…

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Scotch songbird Sheena Easton, pictured here wearing someone else’s hair, skin, nails and eyelashes, is coming to a West End near you!

Baby blue

Sheena Easton, whose baby takes the morning train, apparently, even with all that money, is coming to the West End. Not on a shopping trip or a ‘ladies who lunch’-type situation but to *checks notes* be in something!

That something? 42nd Street, thank you for asking, a show older and noisier even than Sheena’s hair extensions, in which she will share the stage of the Theatre Royal Drury Lane, where Nell Gwynne once shifted oranges by the basketful, with someone off of Emmerdale.

The show starts in March next year, so you have time to work out your outfit, and features songs such as ’42nd Street’, ‘We’re in the Money’, ‘I Only Have Eyes for You’, ‘For Your Eyes Only’ and ‘U Got the Look’.

 

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

London has its very first Night Czar, and it’s only a big ol’ funny ol’ clever ol’ lesbean.

Amy Lamé, London's glittering Night Czar

This is London’s glittering Amy Lamé, LGBT legend with a penchant for the L, and she has been appointed London’s glittering London’s first Night Czar by London’s glittering mayor, Sadiq ‘Chaka’ Khan.

Regulars at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern will recognise Amy – in between the projectile vaginas and the ranty drag queens and the recherché high-kicks – as the face of Duckie, the Saturday night purveyor of progressive working class entertainment, all purveyed in a haze of vodka, poppers and consensual groping.

Unthinkable during the reign of the monumental cunt that is Boris Johnson, our lovely mayor Sadiq has shown his true rainbow colours *punches heart* by appointing a woman who not only knows her shit, but won’t take any. Not even lying down while thinking of chunky keys.

And the job ain’t for the faint-bottomed… her task is to work with the Mayor, London for Transport, the Metropolitan Police, that guy who plays the traffic cone and we, the reveller, to make London’s nightlife even more spiffing than it already is. And hold our hands all the way to the night Tube, each and every one of us.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Babes, did you know Wonder Woman fought in World War I?

It’s this sort of shit that needs to go into the National Curriculum.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

You know how much you loved Trainspotting? Well, T2 don’t half look pretty alright too…

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Fancy Elaine Paige on Sunday like, all the time? Only with Duncan off-of Blue instead?

Fancy Elaine Paige on Sunday like, all the time? Only with Duncan off-of Blue instead?

Disclaimer: We have chosen to illustrate this slightly-breaking story with a picture that includes Lee off-of Blue, because we always found him the hottest. It’s the visceral scally, see. 

Who doesn’t love Potato Actress Elaine Paige’s tip-top wireless show on Her Majesty’s BBC that takes place almost every single Sunday? It’s a rollercoaster of classic songs from London’s glittering West End, Broadway and Hollywood, alongside some shite that would make Michael Buble wince, finished off with mad people putting on accents and rambling about designer-imposter productions of Pippin in sheds in Norfolk. It holds us hostage till 3pm, it does.

If you’re fizzing your panties at just the thought of the above, then you’ll be popping your front bottom at news that Encore, a station dedicated to musical theatre, has launched *checks notes* today! Hooray! Hurrah if you’re that way inclined!

Running seven days a week for 24 hours a day – 24/7 in old money – Dolly Duncan James has the mid-morning Sunday slot, from 10am, which must be a relief for Elaine.

‘I can’t wait to get to share three hours every Sunday morning on Encore Radio from 10am with other musical theatre fans across the country,’ says DD. ‘I’ll be playing my favourite tracks – Miss Saigon has to be my all-time favourite show, it was probably the first musical I saw live – and I’ll have lots of my showbiz friends dropping it to chat. It’s going to be great fun!’

He had us at ‘showbiz’.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)