Bye bye sweet caress…

The Freds.

…oh hello emptiness.

Or something. We’re normally quiet good with lyrics, but our brains are currently flailing in a pool of e-numbers courtesy of a bumper crop from Economy Candy down NYC’s glittering Lower East Side (we’re an international lot, and it is almost Halloween…), so we’re not too sure whether we’re channeling Simon and Garfunkel or Breathe’s ‘Hands to Heaven’ or ‘Build Me Up, Buttercup, Don’t Break My Heart (b’dum, b’dum, b’dum)’… Either way, it’s a total segue ’cause Freddie Ljunberg is leaving these green and pleasant shores for, well, Seattle. Can’t really comment on Seattle as we’ve never been, but it looks dead nice on Frasier.

To expand: Freddie Ljungberg, who by all reports hasn’t done much in the way of football since 1973, is ditching the Premier League (us neither) for Americaland soccer, namely Seattle Sounders FC.

Sounders?

Cue a whole load of ‘another footballer who advertises pants goes to the US’ stories which is fine with us, s’long as they show ‘em in the pants. Like this… [Read more...]

Would you hit/lick/kick/flick/bum it?

Momma says, 'Nice tits!'

‘It’ has a name. Rafael Nadal.

(Didn’t our momma teach us well!)

Rafael Nadal’s rather good at tennis, and rather good at gettin’ his arse out. But we knew that.

Here he is with his tits out.

*Momma calls*

Oh, apparently he needs a hair cut.

*Momma calls again*

Apparently the neighbours got new curtains, and could be Jewish.

Anyways plural, this is he/it/Raf on the cover of Sport magoizine, Frenchie versh. Which is rather a good magazine, we must say. French and English vershes, for that matter. (The actual cover’s got cover lines on it. Mags haven’t gotten that brave just yet…). You can see it after the jump if you like.

ps. We’re eating HobNobs Creams. You know, two of your traditional HobNobs squished together with glutenous, delicious but certainly not nutritious cream betwixt the two? They’re a revelation. [Read more...]

Deep withinside our new favourite member’s club…

paramount_1.jpg

We’ve been slightly giddy about Paramount for quite some time, s’true, and we had a wee sneak peek during Big London Fashion Week last month, but now the latest and highest and something else-est member’s club to hit the capital has had its final spit ‘n’ polish and is in full working action, as they say in certain circles. And this is what it looks like from deep withinside.

Tom Dixon – who knows a thing or dozen about fancy interior design. Because he’s an interior designer of jolly good repute - is behind look ‘n’ feel, and the views are frankly cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenius, what with its position at the top of London’s glittering Centre Point at London’s not-so-glittering/dumpy junction of the TCR (Tottenham Court Road) and Oxford Street. Incidentally, they’re supposed to be sorting that out and making it pretty and stuff, but since Boris ‘Cunty’ Johnson came in you can’t rely on anything. We digress.

The club’s hot, the views are shit hot, and if you want to be a member, you’ve got to be shitty shit hot, at least at writing clever application forms full of bons mots – Stephen Fry’s on the panel reviewing entries, see. 

Ooh, it’s like Paramount Factor…

*you remind me of a young Diana Ross*

More pics after the break. [Read more...]

You can never have enough hats, shoes and scarves…

You lady!

That nice Mr. Beckham does love his accessories, don’t he? Here he is on the cover of the new GQ magwoizeen wearing the latest in white silken scarves, with a little bit of lite bonnetry going on upstairs.

In the interview inside he explains that his tattooes – and let’s face it, by this stage he’s looking like the doodle pad by the telephone – all have a religious theme. ‘I’m not too religious,’ he says (erm, funny choice of tattoos then, lad), ‘But I believe there is something out there that looks after you…’

Yes, she’s called Posh Spice.

Danielle Lloyd. :-(

Please go away.

We have several words to say on the matter… cunt.

Another day, another way to slay a gay who’s more than likely to ‘prey on society’. Oh. Dear.

Gays of the world uniteToday sees a new entry on the long list of homo haters. It marks the start of the disciplinary hearing of Dr. Muhammad Siddiq, who has branded transsexuals as ‘twisted’ and the gays as spreaders of diseases. Oh dear.

In a letter published in GP mag Pulse last year, the doctor, who is president of the Islamic Medical Association (see in between making tea and feeding us grapes plural our workie does research and everything), said:

‘The gays are worse than the ordinary careless citizen, they are causing the spread of illness and they are the root cause of many sexually transmitted diseases. [Read more...]

It’s a quiet day on the interdolly people, so let’s look at the picture that we stick next to the fridge in the manner of a Grazia-reading lumpen trout to stop us gorging on Haribo, Tunnock’s Tea Cakes, cheesy nibbles from that nice place off Neal Street, a bit of left-over chilli con c’, half a litre of that V-8 drink stuff, an onion, milk, eggs (organic, people. ORGANIC), a non-descript cold meat from Sainsberries, mint sauce, and half a pound of midget gems.*

Oh hello.

No, you’re right. We don’t keep midget gems in the fridge. Nor Haribo. We just like saying the words.

So next time you reach for the Kettle Chips, take a look at this and think, ‘No, I too will have a body like this gennelman - though not necessarily the bonnet - and therefore will deny myself my tasty treats in order to achieve this. Especially if it’s after 6pm.’

Ooh, it’s like a print ‘n’ cut-out ‘n’ keep diet plan, without any semblance of a plan! Hooray!

*ps. has a white wee, naturally*

‘What the dreamlover? It’s gone 4 o’ clock on a decidedly wintry day and we’ve not had a five octave range sing-song yet’

Ooh, it ticklesWe teased you last week with the merest snippet from the video of Mariah’s latest single ‘I Stay in Love’ but now like the sluts that we are we’re putting out some full-length action.

Dates are sketchy – as in we can’t for the life of us find out when it’s released – but we’ll keep you posted lovelies. In the meantime, here’s our MC doing what she does best and looking really rather fabulous while she’s doing it. [Read more...]