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And then there were two...

And then there were two…

Beckhams, that is. They’re married, or something biblical like that, and this is them posing together in their frilly Emporio Armani knickers on a billboard in London’s glittering Milan. Our cab actually swung past (literally. Those Milanese drivers? Sheeesh) them sticking this billboard up, on our way back from having a stroke in the Tom Ford [...]

That really could be anyone under that peaky bonnet. But our Russian translator, Argos, £2.99, tells us it's Victoria Beckham.

That really could be anyone under that peaky bonnet. But our Russian translator, Argos, £2.99, tells us it’s Victoria Beckham.

Momma always told us sucking your thumb was for babies and/or the special needs children who we had to be nice to even though they didn’t understand the concept of boundaries - yet those babushkas over at Russian Vogue seem to think it’s a hot look. They also seem to think covering the top half of Victoria [...]

Riddle-dee-diddle-dee-diddle-dee-diddle-dee-diddle-dee-diddle-dee-diddle-dee-diddle-dee-diddle-dee us this: Who is this man?

Riddle-dee-diddle-dee-diddle-dee-diddle-dee-diddle-dee-diddle-dee-diddle-dee-diddle-dee-diddle-dee us this: Who is this man?

Clue: You’ve probably in all likelihood perchance flicked your front bottom over his hardware in recent times. And no, it’s not a young Diana Ross. But who could it be? Who? Who? Who who? Who? *eyes dart around room, sheepishly* ‘Tis this fine specimen of the mens, ladies ‘n’ ladies…

Let's look at some Auntie Viv fashion. We need fashion.

Let’s look at some Auntie Viv fashion. We need fashion.

After watching Urethra Franklin let air out of her ballooned persona and Barack give what is essentially a boring speech (could’ve done with a cartwheel for light relief) - oh, and why was Urethra singing God Save The Queen only with lyrics that were at best indecipherable? Hmmmn? - we thought we needed a bit o’ fashion in our [...]

Obligatory Obama story

Obligatory Obama story

So we’ve got the telly on in the background, with some very sibilant gennelman on Her Majesty’s BBC 24 blithering on and on and on (and on). It’s all very nice. We’re excited. It’s the dawn of a whole new world. It’s all about change, apparently. Change change change *sung in Fatty Franklin, ‘Chain of Fools’ [...]

'Ooh, is it nearly four o'clock on this most auspicious of days and we've still not had a song filled with hope for the new Prez of the US and A yet?'

‘Ooh, is it nearly four o’clock on this most auspicious of days and we’ve still not had a song filled with hope for the new Prez of the US and A yet?’

And now it seems the love affair between the world and America is back on, we will be mostly sing-songing along to Patrick Juvet’s dolly old disco anthehm ’I Love America’. Have you ever seen such a (first) lady? Over the jump with you…

Oh look, topless pictures of an actor we've never seen act. Fun.

Oh look, topless pictures of an actor we’ve never seen act. Fun.

Paul Walker. That’s his name. He does that range of films called Fast and Furious, or similar. It’s about cars that are fast. Why? Just watch (I’ve Got a Small) Cock, Dear. For anyone who doesn’t get that very clever pun (hello, Dolly!), we’re referring to Top Gear. A show about cars, mostly starring an [...]

Our boyfriend looks a little tired. It's because we were up all night bumming.

Our boyfriend looks a little tired. It’s because we were up all night bumming.

Hello slash oh hello. This is David Gandy – equally famous for being our other half as he is for swanning around in not much Dolce e Gabbana – backstage at the D&G show over in Milano at the weekend. We didn’t make it. We were too busy touching people inappropriately at the Burberry show. [...]