Me-me-me.tv

Chloe Green off-of Philip Green – the Chloe Madeley of West London – is such a Chloe (TM). Here she is, in all her lumpen glory (it’s not fattest, by the way. There are actual lumps), accompanying the gay off-of The Only Chelsea is Made in Jersey at last night’s Harry Potter premiere. We say the gay, he’s actually ‘bi-sexual’ (and we’re an ovum), but he’s decided doubling one’s options in the front-/back-bumming stakes is good for earning potential. You can’t blame the kid, really. Ollie is not shown in this picture, incidentally, because he’s not.

Meanwhile, we’ve been eating cheesy straws dipped in Castello Creamy Blue. It’s all a girl needs.

Celebrities on Question Time don’t work. Fact. The reason? They are mostly idiots. Fact. Even the so-called clever ones. Fact. Which is why our hearts sank when we saw dishy old Dave Dimblebottom announce one Hugh Grant on last night’s panel. Fact. We might stop saying ‘fact’ now. But bear in mind it’s all a fact. Or facts.

Anyways, for the first time in our living memory (which, granted, is quite short what with vodka and soda and all), more or less the whole programme was about one subject: the demise of News of the World and Murdoch in general.

You’ll have to watch the whole thing on BBC iPlayer as we were distracted by pinging on our iPhones throughout the show but the best lines were about The News of the World being not so much a newspaper as a protection racket, revelations that you-know-who, ginger nut, had blackmailed MPs into letting her off various hooks by promising to go for them personally in her ‘newspapers’ and her outing of Chris Bryant MP, who stood up to her.

There’s also a lovely quote from her at a party, bumping into Chris Bryant, where she said something along the lines of, ‘Oh, it’s after dark. Shouldn’t you be down Clapham Common?’ Even her husband Grant Mitchell off-of TV’s EastEnders told her, ‘Shut your mouth, you homophobic old cow’.

And now one of the oldest newspapers in the world has closed so that she can remain in her job. Whatever dirt must she have on Murdoch to have even him over a barrel?

We just hope they don’t make the old cunt in any way likeable. But in any way. Not even a roundabout way. Not even in an Evita kind of way (though that last shot is looking dangerously balcony scene to us…)

See the clip over the jump… Continue reading “So, she’s looking a bit more like Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford in a Pepsico meeting than your actual Margaret Thatcher, but would you like to see the first clip from the movie anyway?”

To make up for the fact that we have been dollying about somewhere warm, slathering lotion on men who were under umbrellas anyway, frolicking – literally frolicking – in the surf, only not in a celebrity way in that we didn’t half shag someone in the water and then ask for some privacy because it was family time albeit on a very public beach with a whole rank of paps standing on chairs… Anyways, to make up for all of that, we thought you deserved something extra filling.

And here it is.

We’ve never wanted to bum Tom Cruise, not even once. Which is ironic, really.